The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
