Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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