mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
