you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
