She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
