I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
