Me too!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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