Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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