I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
