I need help removing her.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
