U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
