i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
