yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so let's talk penis.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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