i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
