Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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