Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
