Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
