I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
