My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
