Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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