I want to walk on stilts...naked
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
