It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
