Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
