you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
