I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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