sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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