Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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