Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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