I think i peed on brittanys purse
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
