just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
