Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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