ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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