If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
