I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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