No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what day is it and did you see me today?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Your penis caused this!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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