If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
