everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
