I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize