Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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