I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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