I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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