Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize