i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You made out with two different species that night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
