We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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