I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
