gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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