I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
