I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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