So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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