i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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