dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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