Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
