I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
