pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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