the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
