We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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