What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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