i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
