Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
