now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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