Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
