she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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