There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
