now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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