Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
