Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
