You just made me feel so damn special
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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