I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
