I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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