disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
